It seems hard to believe that more than three months have gone by. Today on the blog, I’m sharing all of our struggles, the blessings and what I’ve learned as a new mom.
Before I was pregnant, I had never heard of the term “fourth trimester”, I was always under the impression that there were three trimesters during your pregnancy and once baby arrived, it was over. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, the fourth trimester is the first three months of baby’s life and yours as a new mother. As baby begins to understand the noise, smells, sounds and sensations around them you’re beginning to learn all about your baby’s likes, dislikes and healing from post-labour.
Our first three months together presented the most unique experience, how you can go from pure bliss to hardship in a matter of seconds is beyond me but we seemed to have accomplished it (with a lot of help from family and friends). This blog post is meant to share my personal experiences and the things I’ve learned so far from becoming a new mom.
photo by Julia Park Photography
My Recovery
No one could have prepared me for what was to follow after delivering Knox. I had a difficult afterbirth delivery so I felt groggy, sick and unable to hold Knox for the first day. The issues that also came with pushing Knox out in under an hour were the obvious tearing but also the not-so-fun hemorrhoids. Very common and very painful, I had to understand that patience and sleep were crucial for a speedy recovery. But I’ll be honest, every time a doctor told me to get my rest I just stared at them blankly, how do you rest with a newborn who is crying to feed every two to three hours? That’s when I quickly learned I needed to rely on my husband and family to help. When anyone came over to help, that was my time to sleep, and even if I couldn’t sleep, just to rest in bed.
I also struggled with the back pains from the epidural so holding Knox for long periods of time presented some challenges. There wasn’t much I could do in that situation, it was just something I needed to give time to heal. Some women experience this pain, where others don’t. As soon as I began to work out again (after my doctor gave me the ok), the pain had subsided significantly.
Once all my wounds healed, I still was left with the extra weight from the pregnancy – mostly the extra skin around the stomach and hips. I’ll be honest, this is the one thing I was told to prepare for but it still bothered me the most. I wanted so badly to fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans. By about 6 weeks, I was adopting healthy eating habits again and going back to the gym. Now that Knox is three months, I can fit into almost all of my dresses and skirts, I have yet to fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans but I’m almost there.
What I’ve Learned
What I did need to learn (and continue to learn) was that my body went through nine months of growing another human. I needed to give myself more credit and understanding that the process of my body going back to “normal” was going to need time, patience and more self-love.
Our Sleep
In the beginning, sleep was a luxury. Knox’s feeding/sleep schedule would be 12 am, 3 am, 6 am and sometimes a few cries in between. During the day, his naps would be up to 3 hours which is when we would try to get our sleep. As I pumped, Kevin would nap, then Knox would wake up for a feeding and Kev would feed him while I slept. It was a great system that seemed to allow both of us to get enough hours of rest to function. Once Kev went back to work, we created a sleep schedule that worked for both of us. Now that Knox is older and go longer in between feedings, he is sleeping mostly through the night with the help of formula. And since he sleeps longer during the night, he no longer takes 3-hour naps during the day, more like short 20-minute cat naps here and there. He still has his regressions some nights, but overall, he’s been a great sleeper and goes down easy.
What I’ve Learned
You’ll want to compare your baby’s sleep patterns with someone else – don’t do it! Every baby is different and they go through so many leaps and changes. I realized I needed to be patient and expect every night to change. What worked for us, in the beginning, has now changed and we just needed to roll with the unexpected and appreciate the nights where Knox had a full night sleep!
photo by Julia Park Photography
Our Biggest Challenges
The challenge and pressure to breastfeed was something I struggled with. This is still the number one question I get from everyone, even strangers, and I felt ashamed in the beginning to ever mention the word “formula”. To be honest, we had our struggles, I knew for Knox to be well fed, formula was needed to make him feel satisfied. Another issue was the skin-to-skin time many said was a must, again, every baby is different. Knox hated skin-to-skin and screamed every time I tried, I noticed he was quite content with just being cuddled in our arms so we felt that was our bonding time together.
One of my own personal challenges was going from a full-time job along while freelancing and blogging on the side to taking care of a baby 24/7. Being completely free and independent was something I always took for granted. Having a baby (especially during the winter) and not being able to leave the condo at will was something I struggled with and continue to struggle with. If it wasn’t for family, I know I would go stir crazy. Being able to drop Knox off with a family member or leaving him with Kev to run errands, clean the place, pamper myself or continue to do a little work on the side has been a huge lifesaver. It does allow me to reset and take a break from Knox so that when I see him again I feel refreshed.
Our Social Life
Having a baby obviously takes away from the social life that we lived previously but it doesn’t mean it’s non-existent. We still go out for dinner, we now bring Knox with us but we also entertain more which is a great excuse to stay warm inside and relax with a few friends over. We’re also fortunate to have family close by who are more than willing to look after him when we want to go out with just the two of us.
photo by Julia Park Photography
What I’ve Learned Overall
This has truly been a humbling experience, from start to finish and I know I still have so much to learn, from others and from myself. If there is one thing I have learned, it’s the respect and love I have now for my own mother and the amazing job she did for being there for us four kids. As my father worked hard to support the family, my mom took on this huge role.
I’ve also learned that every pregnancy is different, baby and mother are different and that their situation is not your situation. Take the advice (good or bad) with a grain of salt and always remember that everyone’s experience – from pregnancy, labour to baby – will always be unique. I’ve learned to pick and choose which advice works best for me and Knox and to use that. Also, anyone who offers to help – take it. Rely on your family and friends to help you through the first few months, you’re already a superwoman for carrying a baby and delivering him or her, take the help when it’s offered and use that time to rest and relax.
Photo by Julia Park Photography
Other questions that have come up
Favourite places to buy clothes?
I was all about versatile wear so at first, I wore items in my closet that allowed for some room for my bump to grow. When those were getting too tight, I purchased maternity wear or non-maternity wear in larger sizes that I knew I would wear after my pregnancy. My go-to shops were:
- ASOS Maternity
- GAP Maternity
- Old Navy Maternity
I also opted for clothes that were multi-purpose – great for maternity and nursing after.
Anything you didn’t know you needed and should have registered for?
A few things that were overlooked were the number of sleepers needed when Knox was born. Whether it was spit up, peeing or having massive blowouts, we did not register for enough sleepers and were in a mad panic for more. I recommend up to 10 – 12 sleepers right at first so you have enough to get through the week and a few extras in case of accidents.
We also regretted not registering for a bassinet that either rocked or moved in some way. At times Knox just needed a quick rocking to go back to sleep and our bassinet did not have that feature. I would definitely opt for some sleeping device that allows for movement.
Waterproof pads for the change table. These were quick and easy to remove if any messes happened rather than us having to remove the entire change pad cover to wash.
Did you get an epidural during labour? If so, did it hurt?
Definitely! I knew going into labour I wanted one and asked for it almost immediately. I didn’t regret it and even with some of the healing that I had to deal from the needle, I still would do it all over again. It made labour tolerable.
During my pregnancy, I took an epidural class to get educated about the process of how it went in and the pros and cons of getting one. I’ll never forget what the Anesthetigolist said: “On a scale from 1- 10, labour is 12, an epidural is 6.” To be honest, the epidural felt like a tiny bee sting – nothing painful.
Did you use a midwife?
No, we felt that for our first we wanted to choose the route of having a doctor when delivering at the hospital. We had a great experience with using a doctor and if baby number 2 ever happens, I think we’d stick with choosing a doctor over a midwife.
To check out more photos by Julia Park, visit her page
